Perfection Paralysis

As you already know if you read this blog, back in September, my dog suddenly and permanently lost the use of her back legs...

As far as things going as planned, owning a paralyzed dog had not been on my to-do list, but when life hands you lemons, make lemonade...

or order a doggie cart.

Around the same time this was happening in my personal life, I had an initial meeting with a new client who had been struggling with decisions involved with a renovation. When I asked her what was troubling her, she said,

"Well, if I choose the wrong _____ (fill in the blank yourself--rug, paint color, furniture arrangement, chatchka...), then all of the other choices I make for the room will be wrong too, and I will never be able to enjoy it....ever."

This statement stopped me in my tracks.

This woman said out loud what I fear so many of us say to ourselves in private. What often keeps us stuck--paralyzed with things in our houses (and life in general)--is this idea of there being only one RIGHT choice (meaning everything else would then be wrong). The only thing that can really be appreciated or enjoyed is something that is perfect, right?

What a high-pressure, anxiety-producing situation. If I felt that way I would be paralyzed too.

So, as you ask yourself: "What if I make the wrong choice??" 

I then ask you:  So what if you do??

Now, I am not saying that you should be cavalier and spend hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands of dollars changing things around your house willy-nilly, without some serious thought and planning (I wouldn't have a job if I thought that was a good idea). However, waiting for the heavens to open and provide you with the divinely-inspired decor items or decluttering solutions you have been longing for is a way to always stay on the sidelines of life and never have any skin in the game.

Lately I have been reading Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly, and I love what she says about perfection:

"...in all of my data collecting, I've never heard one person attribute their joy, success, or Wholeheartedness to being perfect...perfectionism hampers achievement...[and] is self-destructive simply because perfection doesn't exist."

The reality is that none of our houses or lives or anything can be perfect. As I type this there is a paraplegic (and at times incontinent) pup sleeping at my feet, in the hall closet is a heap of summer pool towels on the floor intermixed with winter coats my children didn't bother to hang up, and on the porch a couple of rotting jack o'lanterns awaiting my attention-- but that doesn't mean that I am not proud of my house, or that it does not bring me comfort or joy.

Your house cannot be perfect, no matter how much money and time you spend on it to make it so.  But it CAN feel like home, support you in the way that you want to live, and bring you joy. It can be darn good. 

If we use Hermione as our example, while having a set of wheels to help us move may not be our first choice, we can embrace our imperfections and become comfortable with them--comfortable enough to even fall sound asleep with our short, little paralyzed legs hiked in the air.

"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."        --Voltaire

Of Carts and Candy...

Did you all have a Happy Halloween???  I hope it was fun and just the right amount of spooky!!! Lots of big doin's around here for sure....such as Hermione's cart arriving on Halloween Eve! EXCITEMENT!!! And we started encouraging her to walk in it.... although mostly she seems to like sleeping in it...Too funny. Our very own version of Downward-Facing Dog.

And Halloween was a real treat, with G and her BFF collecting all of that candy dressed as boys. Hilariousnessssss.

So much fun it is almost frightening!

"Where Should I Put The Couch?" And Other Questions....

Maybe you feel you have tried everything, and yet certain rooms STILL don't feel quite right... Instead things feel unsettled and unfinished. You are tired of wondering if the couch is indeed in the "right" spot & whether or not you made a mistake purchasing it in the first place... 

SO, how different can a room really feel with all of the same furniture in it...but simply rearranged with a few important touches added in??

Vastly different.

My clients called me after reaching a high level of frustration with things around their house. Nearly new furniture that was supposed to make things so much better, just wasn't doing the trick. They wondered what was missing? What could be done??

First we created balance & symmetry in the seating arrangement, by rearranging things centered around the fireplace. With these foundational items in place, the room began to feel more settled and welcoming. SO important.

Next, because my clients were tired of their wall-to-wall carpeting, we looked for an area rug that would add a new layer of color and interest to the floor (and cover up what wasn't so much fun to look at anymore).

Some antique prints that had been in storage were pulled out, and became just the thing to add to the beauty over their hearth. In addition, new curtains, pillows, a throw for the couch, additional off-the-rack artwork, and a live plant make the room feel finished and oh-so-inviting.What spaces in your house feel a little off? Do you have a space that should be lovely, but doesn't feel quite right yet?? Take heart! Simple changes and thoughtful rearranging can make a HUGE difference!

A Day Of Rest?

Bet you didn't see me as a "watch football and yell at the tv" kinda gal--but I am. I loooove watching football on Sunday afternoons, and I get a little too into it at times. This past Sunday, I was so frustrated by the game I was watching, I started decluttering the family room bookshelves as a distraction and a positive outlet for my angst. I am so grateful to the Eagles for playing so poorly! By the time the Broncos came on, I had gotten rid of piles of books, reams of scrap paper from the little chest of drawers (why it was still in there, I have no idea), and had moved tons of stuff out to the car to go to Goodwill. Yes! After Christmas we are hoping to rearrange and change things around in this room, so decluttering is the best preparation for this. Just think, if the season continues on the way it has, there may be nothing left in this room for us to move....

hee hee hee hmmmm.

Overwhelmed? It'll Be Ok--Read On...

Sure, Overwhelm seems to be a "normal" part of our modern life now...but it doesn't need to be a houseguest that never, ever leaves...

In the past few weeks during my visits with clients (& in my own house, too!) I have noticed the same overwhelm issues coming up time & again--SO, I thought it would be good to talk about some of the things we do that invites this most annoying guest to come in & stay awhile. The first one might seem silly to you:

1. Our Search For The Right Container-- I may never have set foot in your house, but I know that your clutter problem is not due to you STORING STUFF INCORRECTLY. This is a fantasy we all love to indulge in. HOW we store things is only 10-15% of the problem, while WHAT we store is the big stinkin' rest of the issue. Reduce the amount of STUFF that you are wrestling with & having to manage, and the question of how to store it will practically solve itself (and you won't be nearly so overwhelmed).

Besides, while we are busy at Target looking for the perfect storage solution to bring order and meaning to our lives, the dog or the kids are back at the ranch inviting Overwhelm in the back door! Which brings me to number two......

2. Letting the Animals Run The Zoo-- Those crazy children and whack-a-doo pets some of us share our lives with sure are cute, but they are nuts! And Overwhelm LOVES to hang out with them! 

These adorable souls thrive on chaos, but also breathe a sigh of relief when someone creates order. Setting some clear rules, boundaries, and limitations (you know, Cesar Milan style) with you as the calm assertive Pack Leader, helps everyone get on the same page and know how they can contribute. (Some ideas for how to share housework in the family can be found here.)

And one more thing that keeps Overwhelm around is...

3. Not Setting Your Priorities--

What is most important to you? When you first moved into your home, how did you dream life would be while living there? Does your life in your house reflect this? If ideally you would like to have sit down family dinners often, then mail stacked on the kitchen table, and unwashed pots in the sink are stumbling blocks to this. If you dream of being able to sew and work on projects on the weekends, but your supplies are so hard to get to, and you don't have a set space to work once you find them, then your house isn't supporting you the way that it could.

Lessen the STUFF you have to manage in your life, lead your pack so that your household can function better, and give yourself the opportunity to reflect on the things that really matter to you. These three steps can help us all to not blindly give space in our lives to Overwhelm and instead create a home that is supportive of how we want to live, and one that is a source of inspiration and comfort to us and those we love. 

The images in today's ezine are drawings from children's author & illustrator Mark Teague--featured here before....